A Somatic Reflection; Self Forgiveness
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Some mornings, as I transition from the dream world to my conscious reality, there are parts of me that refuse to be left behind. It feels like I am being plunged into a ceremony of facing a truth that refuses to continue to go unacknowledged.
Connecting with that truth is often a somatic tracking process through a curious and open conversation within myself. It starts off with sensing where I feel the most tug of emotion, or where the story of my mind is spinning, and beginning to observe where in my body this sensation exists.
The somatic inquiry process usually leads me to a connection of wisdom that lives deep in my body, that exists in the present moment and speaks to the needs of the now—the requirements of true healing.
When sensing through the body, the mind does not cease to exist. The dialogue between the mind and the body becomes more apparent.
How is my mind talking to my body and vice versa?
Is the conversation kind and soft?
Or is it judgmental and harsh?
Through a lens of curiosity, we begin to meet even the hardest of emotions and sensations with honesty. Contrary to how we have been conditioned to view our emotions, there is a reason that an emotion or sensation exists.
There is wisdom from our own intelligence that resides within those emotions, and if we continue to ignore these parts of ourselves, we remain disconnected from the very wisdom that is guiding us and the intelligence that knows how we can heal.
Trauma in the somatic world is not what happens to us, but how we internalize a situation. If the environment around us and within us does not recognize parts of ourselves as important, then they will fragment off, and it can break the flow in our energy field.
A lot of the somatic journey is processing the parts of us that were unseen and unvalidated so that we can move into a felt sense of greater wholeness. As our capacity to feel and sense through our own system expands, we can begin to face ourselves with deeper honesty.
Through my own somatic process, I came face to face with the realization that I cannot give forgiveness to certain situations because I have not yet felt, in my own body, a forgiveness of myself.
How do we extend something that we don’t fully feel?
I could lie to myself and say that yes, I forgive. But I would be bypassing the journey down to the root of the emotion that continues to arise—the process of self-forgiveness.
What does this mean?
It means that during situations in my life, I ignored parts of myself. Other parts of me took the wheel and left parts of me behind. I was not all on board.
And now, those parts of me that were left behind feel angry, resentful, not seen, or validated.
My process now lies in listening to the parts of myself that were once ignored, validating them, and building a relationship with them when they arise. In order for these parts to trust me once again, it is important to ask them what they need.
How can you feel seen, supported, and heard?
A dialogue in this way begins to bridge ourselves back together. An answer will always come—they have been waiting to be heard for a long time.
When we feel harder emotions soften in our awareness and curiosity, new energy may begin to surface that carries deep wisdom or even new feelings that have been hidden for a while.
Stay there as long as you can.
Feel the resurgence of connection and goodness.
Allow your memory to hold these feelings as often as they arise. Let your nervous system bask in new feelings that allow you to settle into nourishment.
These sensations are just as essential, if not more essential, to our healing process. These new memories can become our greatest resources for healing trauma.
I hope that as you read this, all parts of you that exist feel validated.
If you are interested in understanding more about what a somatic session looks like, feel free to connect with me through my website. If you are ready to step onto your somatic journey, you can book a session there as well.
Somatics is the guiding light for my work and the greatest gift to my own healing process; sharing it with you would be an honor.